Wednesday, May 21, 2008

RETURN OF THE NUTCRACKERS

HOUSTON – May 21, 2008 – Whether they actually enjoy cracking pecans is debatable, but starting this Saturday, some of Blytheville's greatest nut talents will put on a weeklong demonstration here. Among those scheduled to appear are "Paps" Baker, known for his calm, patient nutting style; and his glamorous sidekick Cloody, who spurs him to greatness. The only professional gear they travel with is wrist ointment and Aleve.

Aside from a fondness for cracking nuts, these two are probably the best comic team ever to hit Houston's infamous Colquitt Street. The crumbling old house where they will stay is being spiffed up for their visit. But, as the owner says, "We're ankle-deep in leaves and weeds here. The porch needs painting. The walls are peeling. There's only so much you can do in the midst of ruin and decay."

Other than cracking pecans, the pair will mostly spend their Houston days holed up drinking gin and smoking cheap Chinese cigarettes ("We can't get away with that in Blytheville," says Paps). Plus, they'll probably venture into town for an occasional bottle of aspirin and to break into local pharmacies to try to score some prescription drugs.

Despite the endless string of petty crimes they rack up every time they visit Houston, Cloody and Paps have never spent a single night in jail. It turns out that local merchants have a soft spot for the charming pair and have always declined to prosecute. "They're incredibly polite people," one person was heard to say. "Plus, they send us pecan brittle every Christmas. That's got to count for something."

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